Season 1 Quotes
by Leigh G
Summary: Just a small collection of quotes from the show that I have gathered for you.
1. Intro

Hello fellow _Castle_ fans!

Over the past few weeks I've been searching for quotes from this beloved television show and have managed to obtain quite a collection. But after finding so many I couldn't think of what to do with them. And then this morning, it hit me… Why not share my marvelous findings with my fellow _Castle_ lovers?

And so I shall.

I shall have one "story" for each season, and one "chapter" for each episode.

I warn you now, before you turn the page, that these are not stores. They are just a collection of quotes, by our favorite characters. For though I love to write almost as much as I love this show, I doubt I could write a story "worthy of the name _Castle_".

To any of you who have a favorite quote that I have failed to include, leave me a comment including the quote, the episode in which it appeared and the season.

Hope you all will enjoy these as much as I did.

~Leigh

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><p>(<strong>Disclaimer <strong>I own absolutally none of this!)


	2. Flowers for Your Grave

**Flowers for Your Grave**

**Season 1, Episode 1**

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><p><strong>Beckett: <strong>No signs of struggle. He knew her.

**Lanie: **Even bought her flowers. Who says romance is dead

**Beckett:** I do. Every Saturday night.

**Lanie:** A little lipstick wouldn't hurt.

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><p><strong>Castle: <strong>_(to Alexis)_ When I was your age I... wait. I can't tell that story. It's wildly inappropriate. Which, oddly enough, is my point. Don't you want wildly inappropriate stories that you can't tell your children?

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><p><strong>Castle<strong>: _[to his daughter Alexis]_ I just want someone to like come up to me and say something new.

**Beckett**: Mr. Castle?

**Castle**: _[turning around holding a pen ready to give an autograph]_ Where would you like it?

**Beckett**: _[holding badge]_ Detective Kate Beckett, NYPD. We need to ask you a few questions about a murder that took place earlier tonight.

**Alexis**: _[taking the pen from him]_ That's new.

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><p><strong>Beckett<strong>: Says here that you stole a police horse...

**Castle**: Borrowed.

**Beckett**: And you were nude at the time.

**Castle**: It was spring.

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><p><em>(Castle asked Beckett for photos of the murders)<em>

**Castle**: I'm not asking for the bodies. Just the pictures.

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><p><strong>Martha<strong>:It's my fault, really. He never had a father figure.

**Castle**: Oh, that's not true, mother. I had lots of father figures.

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><p><strong>Alexis: <strong>If I'm gonna have to keep bailing you out, you're going to have to raise my allowance... a lot.

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><p><strong>Ryan<strong>: _[pointing to inscription on Castle's book]_ From the library of Katherine Beckett.

**Beckett**: Do you have a problem with reading, Ryan?

**Esposito**: Yo, check it, girl, you're totally a fan!

**Beckett**: Right? Of the genre?

**Ryan**: Right, the genre, that's why you're blushing.

**Beckett**: What are you, twelve?

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><p><strong>Castle<strong>: _[to Beckett]_ Well, you're not bridge and tunnel. No trace of the boroughs when you talk, so that means Manhattan, that means money. You went to college, probably a pretty good one. You had options. Yeah, you had lots of options, better options, more socially acceptable options, and you still chose this. That tells me something happened. Not to you. No, you're wounded, but you're not that wounded. No, it was somebody you cared about. It was someone you loved. _[realizing he's overstepped]_ And you probably could have lived with that, but the person responsible was never caught. And that, Detective Beckett, is why you're here.

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><p><strong>Beckett: <strong>Are you here to annoy me?

**Castle: **I'm here for the story.

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><p><strong>Beckett<strong>: Half of the guys are waiting for prints. You don't just jump the line.

**Castle**: Oh, I think somebody feels threatened.

**Beckett**: I'm not threatened.

**Castle**: No, no, I get it. I can call the mayor and you can't.

**Beckett**: We have procedure. Protocol.

**Castle**: Yeah, and you always come to a complete stop at a red light and you never fudge your taxes. Tell me something: do you ever have any fun? Let your hair down? Drop your top? A little "cops gone wild"?

**Beckett**: You do know that I'm wearing a gun?

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><p><strong>Esposito:<strong> _(about Castle) _The man's got the Mayor on speed dial. The rich really are different.

**Beckett: **You want him? He's yours.

**Esposito:** A control freak like you with something you can't control? No, no, that's gonna be more fun than Shark Week.

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><p><strong>Castle: <strong>That's too easy. The reader would never buy it.

**Beckett**: This isn't one of your books, Castle. Out here, we find a guy standing over a body with a gun, he's usually the guy who did it.

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><p><em>(Whilst being held at gun point by Jonathan Tisdale)<em>

**Beckett**: Castle, you ok?

**Castle**: Yeah, but this psycho here needs a breath mint.

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><p><strong>Beckett<strong>: You wanted to see me, sir?

**Montgomery**: Yeah. I just got a call from the mayor's office. Apparently, you have a fan.

**Beckett**: A fan, sir?

**Montgomery**: Rick Castle. Seems he's found the main character for his next set of novels: a tough but savvy female detective.

**Beckett**: ... I'm flattered?

**Montgomery**: Don't be. He says he has to do research.

**Beckett**: Oh no.

**Montgomery**: Oh yes.

**Beckett**: No way.

**Montgomery**: Beckett, listen.

**Beckett**: Sir, he is like a nine-year-old on a sugar rush, totally incapable of taking anything seriously.

**Montgomery**: But he did help solve this case. And when the mayor's happy, the commissioner's happy. And when the commissioner's happy, I'm happy.

**Beckett**: How long, sir?

**Montgomery**: _[motioning to his door]_ It's up to him. _[Beckett turns to find Castle standing in the doorway, smirking]_

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><p><em>{And this is what started it all...}<em>


	3. Nanny McDead

**Nanny McDead**

**Season 1, Episode 2**

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><p><strong>Police Attorney:<strong> Mr. Castle, be advised: if you get injured following Detective Beckett to research your next novel, you cannot sue the city. If you get shot, you cannot sue the city. If you get killed...

**Castle:** My lifeless remains cannot sue the city?

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><p><strong>Police Attorney:<strong> Mr. Castle, these waivers are serious business. Perhaps you'd feel more comfortable by referring the matter to your attorney?

**Castle:** What, are you kidding? He'd never let me sign these! But fortunately, it's his job to get me *out* of trouble, and not to prevent me from getting into it.

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><p><strong>Alexis:<strong> How come we never had a nanny?

**Castle:** Well, your mother and I decided if someone was going to screw you up, we wanted it to be me. Only, you managed to turn out fine somehow anyway.

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><p><strong>Castle:<strong> Three men huddled around a computer. There'd better not be porn, and if there is, I want in.

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><p><strong>Beckett:<strong> Mrs. Peterson? Detective Kate Beckett, NYPD. I was wondering if I could ask you some questions about Sarah Manning.

**Mrs. Peterson:** Of course. Please come in.

**Beckett:** Thank you.

**Castle:** Richard Castle, just... N.Y.

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><p><strong>Castle:<strong> We could always make it strip poker.

**Beckett:** Sorry, but I prefer mystery to horror.

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><p><strong>Beckett:<strong> Okay, Castle, but it's accompany and observe, not participate and annoy. Got it?

**Castle:** Participate and annoy is a lot more fun, but alright.

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><p><strong>Castle:<strong> So. Looks like I managed to make it through the case without getting injured, shot or killed.

**Beckett:** Yeah, well, maybe tomorrow.


	4. Hedge Fund Homeboys

**Hedge Fund Homeboys**

**Season 1, Episode 3**

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><p><strong>Castle<strong>: Who was murdered, and was it gruesome?

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><p><strong>Castle<strong>: _[after getting pinched on the ear by Beckett because he was listening to her phonecall]_ Next time, put it on speakerphone.

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><p><strong>Beckett: <strong>I didn't say he didn't shoot him. I said he didn't kill him.

**Castle: **Is that a Zen kōan one hand clapping thing?


	5. Hell Hath No Fury

**Hell Hath No Fury**

**Season 1, Episode 4**

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><p><strong>Castle: <strong>Oh my god. This is quite possibly the worst coffee I've ever tasted. It's actually kind of fascinating. It tastes like a... (pauses to sip the coffee) it tastes like a monkey peed in battery acid. Try some?

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><p><strong>Beckett<strong>: Castle, what are you doing?

**Castle**: Promise not to hate me?

**Beckett**: I already hate you.

**Castle**: Fair enough.

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><p><strong>Castle<strong>: _[describing his character based on Beckett]_ She's going to be really smart, very savvy, haunting good looks, really good at her job...and kinda slutty.

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><p><strong>Lanie<strong>: Getting a drink with me after work instead of getting your freak on with writer boy?

**Beckett**: What? He is annoying, self-centered, egotistical, and completely-

**Lanie**: Fun. And take it from me, girlfriend, you need some fun. I mean, how bad can he be?

**Beckett**: _[answers phone]_ Beckett.

**Castle**: _[excitedly]_ Guess who's got a date with a prostitute!

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><p><strong>Beckett<strong>: _[interrogating a suspect]_ Witnesses don't place you in the club until one in the morning, and Horn was murdered between eleven and twelve.

**Castle**: _[watching Beckett from behind one-way glass]_ Here it comes, and...

**Beckett**: So, where were you between eleven and twelve, Mr. Creason?

**Castle**: Booyah.

**Creason**: I was asleep.

**Castle**: Asleep! You are lame! _[heard from other side of glass]_ You are so _lame!_ You're a lamey, McLamester! You're so l-l-l- _[back in room]_ LAME!

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><p><strong>Beckett<strong>: What kind of a name is "Nikki Heat"?

**Castle**: A cop name.

**Beckett**: It's a stripper name.

**Castle**: Well, I told you she was kind of slutty.

**Beckett**: Change it, Castle.

**Castle**: Wait. Hang on a second. Think of the titles. "Summer Heat", "Heat Wave", "In Heat"...

**Beckett**: Change the name!


	6. A Chill Goes Through Her Veins

**A Chill Goes Through Her Veins **

**Season 1, Episode 5**

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><p><strong>Beckett<strong>: This is for the life I saved _[pointing at the watch on her left arm which belongs to her father]_. And. This is for the life I lost _[picking at her necklace which belongs to her dead mother]_.

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><p><strong>Beckett: <strong>I guess your Nikki Heat has a back story now, Castle.

**Castle**: I don't know. I did kinda liked the hooker by day, cop by night thing. But, I guess a heavy emotional angle could work too.

**Beckett:** Well, don't bewilder your audience with substance on my account, Castle.

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><p><strong>Castle<strong>: Alright, so you and I are married.

**Beckett**: We are not married!

**Castle**: Relax, it's just pretend.

**Beckett**: I don't wanna pretend.

**Castle**: Scared you'll like it?

**Beckett**: Okay, if we're married, I want a divorce.

**Apartment Guy**: Are you two like this all the time?

**Castle & Beckett**: Yes.

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><p><em>(after Alexis helps him figure out a problem with the case)<em>

**Castle:** It's family moments like these I will never forget.

**Alexis: **With a good therapist, hopefully I will!

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><p><em>[parked outside the home of a grandfather who killed his daughter's murderer] <em>

**Castle**: You could just leave it like this. Sam's dead. The captain's happy. Those kids look pretty happy.

**Beckett**: That's the difference between a novel and the real world, Castle. A cop doesn't get to decide how the story ends.


	7. Always Buy Retail

**Always Buy Retail **

**Season 1, Episode 6**

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><p><em>(about Meridith)<em>

**Castle:** She's thinking of moving back to New York. Do you know what that would mean to me? That would be a very special brand of hell. The hell of a deep-fried twinkie.

**Ryan: **A deep-fried twinkie?

**Castle:** Yeah, the guilty pleasure that you know is bad for you so you only do it once, maybe twice a year for the novelty

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><p><strong>Beckett: <strong>Castle!

**Castle: **What?

**Beckett: **Crime scene, dead body. A little respect here.

**Castle: **I don't think he can hear me.

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><p><strong>Beckett<strong>: If she's so bad, why did you have sex with her this morning?

**Castle**: Let me tell you something about crazy people. The sex is unbelievable.

**Beckett**: How shallow are you?

**Castle**: [_soberly_] Very.


	8. Home is Where the Heart Stops

**Home Is Where The Heart Stops **

**Season 1, Episode 7**

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><p><strong>Beckett<strong>: The next time you show up at a crime scene without me, I'll show you how my taser works.

**Castle**: Promise?

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><p><strong>Ryan<strong>: Why do you writers always call them "perps?"

**Castle**: Isn't that what _you_ call them?

**Ryan**: Ah, we've got a whole lot of names for them. Pipehead, pisshead, orc, creep...

**Esposito**: ...crook, knucklehead, chucklehead...

**Ryan**: ...chud, turd...

**Esposito**: ...destro, scall...

**Ryan**: ...skexy, slicko, slick...

**Esposito**: ...mope...

**Ryan**: ...sleestak...

**Castle**: _[writing in notepad]_ Slow down, slow down!

**Beckett**: Suspects. We call them _suspects._

**Montgomery**: I'm old-school. I like "dirtbag."

**Castle**: Classic.

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><p><strong>Castle:<strong>You got to watch those silhouettes they can be shifty little bastards.

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><p><strong>Alexis<strong>: My, dad, nervous for a date?

**Castle**: It's not a date - it's an undercover operation.

**Martha**: I don't know why you won't tell me where the party is.

**Castle**: Because you'll show up.

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><p><strong>Castle<strong>: _[after a fistfight]_ I tried to stay in the car. I really did!


	9. Ghosts

**Ghosts**

**Season 1, Episode 8**

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><p><em>[talking about a poker game]<em>

**Judge**: _[to Beckett]_ Do us a favor. Beat his pants off.

**Castle**: Yes, beat my pants off if you dare.

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><p><em>[talking about a poker game]<em>

**Beckett**: I'm gonna make you hurt.

**Castle**: Oh, you're gonna get hurt.

**Beckett**: What are we playing for?

**Castle**: Pride...or clothing.

**Beckett**: I think I have a bag of gummy bears in my desk...

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><p>{Sorry that it's so short. This is the hardest one to find quotes for.}<p> 


	10. Little Girl Lost

**Little Girl Lost **

**Season 1, Episode 9**

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><p><strong>Beckett<strong>: It's Sunday morning. Shouldn't you be slinking home from a scandalous liaison?

**Castle**: Wouldn't you be jealous if I were?

**Beckett**: In your dreams.

**Castle**: Actually, in my dreams, you're never jealous. In my dreams, you just join- _[Beckett shoves bear claw in Castle's mouth]_

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><p><strong>Beckett<strong>: You do realize that most people would be creeped by crazy anonymous fans?

**Castle**: Like you?

**Beckett**: It was strictly professional curiosity.

**Castle**: So what did you think of your alter ego Nikki? Very sweet, right?

**Beckett**: "Sweet?" She's _naked!_

**Castle**: She's not naked! She's holding a gun... strategically.

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><p><strong>Beckett<strong>: Oh, for God's sake. _[referring to Sorenson and Castle]_ Why don't you both just drop your pants and get it over with?

**Castle**: I'm game.

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><p><strong>Beckett: <strong>Be careful, okay?

**Castle:** Do I detect actual concern for my well-being?

**Beckett:** Screw this up, and I'll kill you.

**Castle: **That's more like it.

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><p><strong>Sorenson<strong>: He's quite a guy. If only he knew how big a fan you really are.

**Beckett**: Yeah, well, he's not going to know.

**Sorenson**: You never told him how you stood in line for an hour just to get your book signed? How his novels got you through your mother's death?

**Beckett**: Is there anything you don't remember?

**Sorenson**: Not when it comes to you.

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><p><strong>Beckett: <strong>Six months.

**Castle:** Six months what?

**Beckett:** We dated for six months.

**Castle: **I didn't ask.

**Beckett: **Yea, I know. You were not asking very loudly.

**Castle: **I know, I'm like a Jedi like that.


	11. A Death in the Family

**A Death in the Family **

**Season 1, Episode 10**

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><p><strong>Beckett<strong>: I'm not running a background check on your daughter's date.

**Castle**: Oh, come on! She says he's quiet, he keeps to himself, and he lives with his parents. Tell me that doesn't sound like a serial killer to you!

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><p><strong>Castle<strong>: _[Regarding Alexis' date]_ Boy, I can't believe my little girl is going to prom... my only comfort now is the long-standing tradition of torturing the boyfriend.

**Beckett**: What do you mean?

**Castle**: You know, the time-honored hazing that goes on in those few moments we share, where he and I are alone, just before my daughter descends the stairs.

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><p><strong>Castle<strong>: Nope! And now it's my turn...

**Ryan**: What are you planning?

**Castle**: Something befitting the name of 'Castle'...

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><p><strong>Beckett: <strong>_(Clears throat)_ Ahem. What's the deal with men and boobs, anyway?

**Castle:** Biological. We can't help it.

**Beckett:** But doesn't it bother you that they're so obviously not real?

**Castle: **_(Pauses)_ Santa's not real. We still love opening his presents.


	12. The End

And sadly, this concludes Season 1:(

Stay tuned for Season 2!


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